i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
