3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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