Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
