I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
