At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
