she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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