Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
