nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
