Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
