i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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