i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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