It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
