So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
