We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
