Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I could make wine with my vomit
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize