If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are all done wearing pants today
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
