Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
