I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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