South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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