Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
