just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wear drunk well.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
