Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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