I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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