your parents love me but you hate me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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