I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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