What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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