I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
