My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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