I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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