Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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