So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
