i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
