So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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