this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
