I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
