Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
