Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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