i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
