we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
