Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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