I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
