Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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