I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
