when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
