Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
