You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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