Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
