SEEEEXXX PLEASE
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
