Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
