Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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