He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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