I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
