this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
