I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
