You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
