every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
