Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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