last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
