The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
