did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm always down for nudity.
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