i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
