i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
