I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
