I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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