just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
