I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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