Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
