I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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